The Hidden Psychology of Addiction, Ambition & Feeling Seen | Ryan Soave
In this episode, I sit down with psychotherapist Ryan Soave for a wide-ranging conversation about addiction, obsession, anxiety, and the pressures of modern life. We discuss why addictive behaviors are often attempts to solve deeper emotional problems, the blurry line between healthy ambition and destructive obsession, why external success often fails to make us feel seen or fulfilled, and my idea of “diversifying your dopamine” by building multiple sources of meaning, pleasure, connection, and purpose. We also explore whether modern life is making us more anxious, why too much freedom can paradoxically make us less free, how virtual reality can trigger remarkably real fear responses, and why a good therapist should sometimes challenge you rather than simply validate you.
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Chapters:
00:00 Intro
01:49 Florida, alligators & Rav’s reptile phobia
07:49 Fear, phobias & confusing discomfort with threat
10:08 The lemon experiment: how the mind creates physical reactions
12:00 Virtual reality, fear & working with Andrew Huberman’s lab
16:39 Why are mental health problems rising?
20:00 Does modern life make us less resilient?
26:24 Dating apps and the paradox of choice
27:25 Why commitment creates freedom
29:27 Remote work, structure & accountability
32:03 What makes a great therapist?
37:14 Are people actually more mentally ill than in the past?
47:50 Addiction vs. obsession
55:10 Can slowing down make you more successful?
57:18 The thing that makes you successful can ruin the rest of your life
01:00:21 Loneliness, ambition & obsessive work
01:04:34 “Diversify your dopamine”
01:07:49 Stop waiting for success to make you happy
01:10:18 Why Rav became obsessed with career success
01:12:39 External success doesn’t fix internal problems